The Way Home
by LucyLaw
Summary: After Eric leaves CSI for the State Attorney's office, the Miami-Dade Crime Lab just isn't the same. Can things ever return to the way they were?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This is my first attempt at a multi-chap fic. It will probably only be 3 chapters or so, but we'll see what happens. Takes place in the near future, around the end of season 8 or immediately thereafter.

* * *

Eric was deep in thought, eyes on the ground as he slowly made his way down the hall. He didn't even hear Rebecca Nevins sneak up on him until he felt her lightly touch his elbow. He looked up, startled, still feeling half in a daze.

"So I'll see you tomorrow at ten at the Gamble house? We need to re-interview the mom, see if we can get her to implicate her boyfriend. I think we're gonna have to sweeten the pot, though, she doesn't seem the type to roll on him without a little added incentive."

"Yup, I'll be there. With bells on," Eric smirked.

"I'm sure." Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Just be there; bells are optional," she shook her head and turned on her heels, heading briskly back toward her office.

Eric sighed heavily as he walked out of the state attorney's office and into the oppressive heat. It was one of those mid-summer Miami evenings where the air was so thick you could barely breathe. Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead before he could even get his car keys out of his pocket. Despite being a native Miamian, the sweltering heat made the short walk to the sanctuary of his car and the cold A/C seem to last an eternity. Eric was already re-thinking his plans to go for a run with Calleigh once he got home. Or more accurately, once he got to Calleigh's home, though the distinction between the two was becoming less and less clear to him as time went on.

His sudden lack of motivation was only partially due to the weather, though. More and more, he was feeling frustrated and annoyed after days at work. To be sure, in the past he had walked out of the crime lab many times after a long shift feeling drained and relieved to be going home, but this was different.

He had expected it would take him a while to adjust to a new job after over a decade at CSI; still, he hadn't anticipated just how difficult it would be to get used to a new boss, a new routine, and days without Calleigh. This job left him feeling empty and drained at the end of every day. Even when his forensic prowess allowed the state's attorney to nail the "bad guy", it was never nearly as satisfying as he'd found his work at the crime lab.

So often, his hard work just gave Talbot more leverage for a plea bargain, or a slightly better chance of success at trial. Of course, many of the criminals he'd helped apprehend as a CSI ended up pleading down the charges, or were even acquitted at trial due to a technicality or a gullible jury, but that wasn't on him. His job had been to find the truth, to analyze the totality of evidence and make sure the right person was accused. If, in the end, the criminal didn't get what he or she deserved, it could be aggravating, but Eric would know he had done everything in his power to make sure they were taken off the streets. Now, grudgingly, he found himself a propelling force in letting some of Miami's worst criminals off easy. And that was a hard pill to swallow, Eric admitted to himself as he pulled open the door to his car and gingerly sat on the scalding leather seat.

He started the engine and turned the A/C on high, waiting just a moment for it to kick in and blast him with welcome frigid air. With a glance at the dashboard clock, he backed out of his parking space, headed for the parking lot exit and turning toward Calleigh's.

Even though he saw her nearly every night – actually, _every_ night that he could think of in recent memory, he thought with a smile – he still couldn't help but feel her absence acutely during the days that they now spent apart. It just made him that much more anxious to see her every evening. Though it had been barely over nine hours since he last saw her, last kissed her lips as he left for the day, it took all his self-control not to race and jockey recklessly through rush-hour traffic just to get to her a few minutes sooner. As it was, he broke the speed limit more than once, impatient for the half hour drive to be over and to have her in his arms again.

******

"I swear, it's true!" Ryan protested as Natalia rolled her eyes and Jesse let out a barely concealed guffaw. "Come on, it's not _that_ hard to believe, guys."

"Um, actually, Ryan, it is. It's pretty much the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Natalia admitted. "You really don't expect us to believe that you, of all people, risked your life _jumping over a moving car_ to –" at the mental image of Ryan diving over the SUV, gun in hand, like something out of a Van Damme movie, she couldn't hold back her incredulous laughter any longer and burst into a fit of giggles.

Calleigh's lips turned upward slightly as a thin smile crossed her lips, watching from just around the corner as her co-workers engaged in banter and teasing that was so typical at the lab. She wasn't sure which obviously exaggerated, heroic claim Ryan had made that caused the others to be so amused, but it didn't matter. She's seen more or less the same scene play out a hundred times in the past few years, and the familiarity was both comforting and nostalgic for her.

In the past, Calleigh probably would have joined in, or maybe chastised the group in a halfhearted attempt to enforce her duties as assistant day-shift supervisor. But lately, there was something missing for her at work. Being a CSI had never been "just a job" to Calleigh. It was her passion, her life, her number-one focus, ever since she attended the police academy back in New Orleans. And the members of the team had always been much more than just co-workers to her, they were her closest friends. _Only_ real friends, if she was being completely honest.

But slowly, inevitably she supposed, things had changed. First when Speed died - the closeness she, Eric and Speed shared had never quite been matched by the newer members of the team. The simple nights spent swapping war stories at the local watering hole, or just having pizza and beer at Calleigh's place, were some of her fondest memories. Maybe it was just the knowledge that it could all be gone in a split second that prevented Calleigh from ever getting quite as close to Natalia, or Ryan, or certainly Jesse and Walter, as she had almost immediately become to Eric and Speed. She respected all of her teammates, liked them all and considered them good friends, but it wasn't the same as it used to be.

Then the events of the past few years had shaped her into a different person. She had never been as simple and sunny as she may have appeared on the outside; still, she had been more carefree, more open, more innocent. Her troubles with men - Hagen's suicide, Peter Elliot's lies, and most of all Jake's betrayals - had hardened her. And then, almost losing Eric, not once but _twice_, had brought her to her knees. After that, all bets were off.

Now she almost felt as though she wasn't a part of the team anymore. Ever since the shootout last year, ever since Eric had left, it seemed to her that she was always on the outside looking in. That she wasn't "one of the gang" anymore. She was just going through the motions, counting the down the minutes each day until she could escape to the freedom of the highway, heading toward home and Eric. Maybe it was just that she missed having him around all the time. She knew she missed trading secret smiles with him as they passed in hall, and the quiet, brief touches they would discreetly exchange in the ballistics lab when no one was looking. She missed the way he would always know when to squeeze her shoulder in a gesture of comfort after a particularly difficult interview or day at a scene, and when to leave it at a long, reassuring look.

But it was more than just that. Lately, it seemed something was off at the Miami-Dade Crime Lab – a spark that made them more than just a group of people working to solve crimes, a piece of the puzzle that made it so much more than a job, was missing. And, Calleigh sadly noted to herself, she didn't know if there was anything that could take things back to the way they used to be.

As she turned and began to walk toward the locker room, the sounds of the Jesse's snorting laughter and Ryan's high-pitched protests became dimmer. Her thoughts were elsewhere, only able to focus on getting her stuff, signing out and being well on her way home before another bullet that urgently needed to be analyzed could come her way.

Her phone buzzed just before she crossed the threshold into the locker room. She bit her lip, hoping desperately that it wasn't Horatio with a breaking case or new piece of evidence that couldn't wait to be analyzed. Even those silent, momentary thoughts caused Calleigh immediate guilt; it was her responsibility and duty to tend to those things, whether they were convenient for her or not, and once upon a time she genuinely wouldn't have minded.

But things were different now.

A bright, relieved smile crossed her face as she saw who was calling. "Hey," she answered.

Her trademark Southern lilt brought a grin to his face immediately. Just hearing her voice, so bright and so very…._Calleigh_, caused the weight of the day lift off of Eric's shoulders.

"Hey," he answered. "I'm on my way home. Were you able to sneak away on time today?"

"Yeah, thank God, I'm just heading out of the locker room now. Assuming I can make it to the car without someone getting murdered in Miami, I should be home in twenty."

He chuckled both at her desperation to get home and at her nonchalant reference to potential murders as a mere annoyance in her life. It was so atypical of the Calleigh he had known for so long, yet he found himself somehow loving her even more for it.

"Good," he smiled. "It's a bitch out there today, like 95 with 100% humidity."

She groaned. "Yeah, tell me about it, I was out in it for like two hours collecting evidence at a gang murder in Overtown this afternoon."

"So I assume you won't mind skipping our run tonight in favor of some take-out, then?"

"Sounds much nicer than sweating like a pig in public," Calleigh agreed.

"I've never seen you sweat like a pig, Cal, never." He insisted. "You know you don't sweat….you glow."

Calleigh laughed. "Yeah, well maybe that's true most of the time, but if I was out running in weather like this I'm pretty sure I'd be dripping sweat."

"Actually, that sounds kind of hot…" Eric mused.

"Don't get any ideas." Calleigh chastised, though her voice was teasing. "I'm hungry and tired and I just want to stay in and enjoy the air conditioning tonight."

"I guess that can be arranged," he said in that teasing, seductive tone he knew she couldn't resist. "Sushi?"

"Yeah, sounds perfect." She agreed as she unlocked her car.

"Your usual?"

"Of course," she smiled at how well he knew her. "I'm getting in the car now; see you in a few."

"I can't wait," he said genuinely. "Love you."

"I love you too." Calleigh ended the call as she shifted the car into reverse. "Can't wait to see you, either," she whispered into the phone, though she knew he couldn't hear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Sorry this took longer than expected to post…I hate it when life gets in the way of writing fics. This chapter also ended up being much longer than I'd intended, so I came very close to posting it as two chapters, but decided to just go with one long chap. There will be one more chapter after this, I'll try to get it up quicker than this one. Enjoy!

* * *

Calleigh arrived home to find Eric's car already in the driveway, in its now-familiar spot to the left of where she parked her own. She surprised herself with the sense of relief that flooded through her at the realization that he'd arrived here first. After all, she'd spoken to him less than half an hour before and knew he would arrive here within minutes of her. She supposed she had just become tired of coming home to an empty house. Not so long ago, she had viewed her solitary home as a sanctuary, from both work and life, a place where she could simply be by herself and avoid the complications other people brought with them.

Lately, though she was still an intensely private person, she wanted to share more and more of herself with Eric. _Needed_ to. His presence in her home every night for months now - except those occasions when his work took him out of town for a day or two - was strangely comforting, a stark contrast to the stifled way she had always imagined she'd feel if she ever let someone in that close, allowed someone become part of her the way Eric had. On those nights when he was out of town, the little things that had once defined her everyday life – eating dinner alone, watching TV alone, reviewing case notes alone and going to bed alone – were almost unbearable. She missed him _so _much, even when he was gone for just a single night.

Her life had become so entwined with his that she could barely see where hers ended and his began. She didn't know when or how that had happened, but couldn't deny the truth of it now. And while the thought did cause her a slight panic – because she honestly didn't know how she could survive without him now, and that thought was terrifying – it also induced a kind of happiness she'd never known before.

After setting her purse down on the table in the foyer and discarding her heels in the front closet, she found Eric in the kitchen, sorting through the plastic take-out containers, chopsticks and soy sauce packets on the table. He had already set the table and offered her a smile and a bright "Hey," as he opened the fridge and grabbed a beer for each of them.

Her smile was genuine, but faded quickly. "Hey," she replied softly.

He quickly finished opening their drinks and walked over to her after placing them on the table, looking concerned at her subdued demeanor. "You okay?" he questioned, softly stroking her bare arm. "Rough day today?"

He drew her into his arms, and Calleigh felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes - completely unexpected and, she thought, uncalled for. There was no reason for her to feel so…_needy_. It was a feeling she was never comfortable with, but it bothered her especially when, as today, there was no discernible reason for her to feel this kind of desperation. She had never been the kind of woman who let irrational thoughts and emotions overtake her. She had more self-control than that, more poise than that.

But Eric tended to have that effect on her – drawing emotions from her she hadn't even known she had, with just his tender touch and soothing voice. His hand caressed up and down her back as he chastely pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She remembered he was awaiting a response, so she willed her voice to steady and the unwanted tears to dissipate, and honestly answered him. "No, it really wasn't," she shook her head slightly against his chest and chuckled sardonically. "Kind of boring, actually."

At that, Eric pulled back just enough to see her face, so he could read her in that way only he could. Her eyes remained at his chest, so he gently tilted her chin up so he could look in her eyes. "Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired is all."

"Calleigh." His tone was almost stern, a light warning. She knew exactly what he meant.

"I was just…thinking." She looked down for a moment then met his eyes again. She offered a small smile and lifted a hand to his cheek. "Nothing bad, really." Her eyes flickered to the food waiting on the table. "Can we talk after dinner?"

"Calleigh," he sighed, exasperated. Usually, if she said they'd talk later, they never ended up talking at all.

"I promise. We'll talk after we eat, okay?" She leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips softly. "It's really nothing worth talking about, anyway."

"Come on, I can tell something's bothering you." He shook his head. "Talk to me? Please?"

She sighed and shook her head slightly.

"You can't even use the excuse the food is gonna get cold," he gestured to the containers full of rolls of raw fish on the table with a small smile. "You promised you'd try…"

And she _had_ promised she'd talk to him more, be more open with him. And she'd meant it. But it was so much easier to want to than to actually tear her walls down and expose her innermost feelings to him. Especially when she could barely understand those feelings herself.

"Can't say the food will get too warm either, I set the A/C to 65 degrees on high when I got home, come on Cal…" he smiled, trying to lighten the mood and tease her into opening up to him about whatever was bothering her.

Warmth spread through her at his words…"_when I get home_". She knew he considered her house his home and had for awhile. She knew that he only went to his old apartment to collect the mail and make sure everything was still in one piece. The last time she'd stopped by to pick up his mail with him, there had been literally no food in the kitchen, no clothes in the drawers, just his furniture gathering dust.

Still, the fact that he vocalized that he considered this home, _their home_, sent a rush of emotion through her body. Happiness, gratitude, she wasn't sure. But the guilt also crept in then, because she still hadn't worked up the nerve to ask him what she'd wanted to for far too long now.

The feelings those words stirred in her forced her to admit that at least he deserved to hear what was on her mind, as stupid as she felt it was. "It's seriously nothing," she sighed. "I've just been feeling really…I don't know, _different_ at work lately."

"Yeah? How so?" Eric sat down at the table and she followed suit.

"I don't know. I mean, I feel like I'm nostalgic or something for old times…God, I must be getting old," she smiled and shook her head, her green eyes meeting his warm brown. "I miss you being there."

"Cal," he uttered barely above a whisper, his heart breaking at the prospect that he could have anything to do with the reason she'd been feeling this way.

"No," Calleigh stopped him before he could apologize. "I do miss you. But I prepared myself for that, realized it was a trade-off…I would miss you all day at work, but get to be with you the rest of the time," she smiled shyly and brushed her foot against his calf affectionately under the table. "And while I guess I'd like to have you around all the time, I'd rather spend time with you here, like this, than just chasing criminals and analyzing crime scene evidence."

Eric bit his lip then, wanting to voice his own regrets about leaving CSI, but forced himself to keep quiet a bit longer. It was rare that Calleigh opened up to him like this, though it was happening more often lately; if he sidetracked the discussion to his own feelings, he knew they'd more than likely never get back to discussing hers.

"So what is it, then?" he said instead. "What's bothering you, baby?"

Eric rarely indulged in pet names, especially that one, but Calleigh had to admit she rather enjoyed it when he called her that. It made her feel soft and feminine and gooey in a way she didn't think she ever had before Eric.

"It used to be like a family," she blurted out. "Back when it was you, me, Horatio and Speed, it seemed like we were all working as a unit, like we all had a connection, something special." She shook her head. "Maybe it was just me, just wishful thinking."

"No, it wasn't just you. I remember those times," he spoke softly, not wanting to intrude on her thoughts. "I felt like that too, like things were different before Speed died."

Both of them looked down for a minute at the discussion about their old friend, and Calleigh felt a twinge of guilt for bringing it up. She pushed through the guilt and willed herself to continue.

"And then, we all kind of grew apart a little after Speed died, and maybe we could have recovered from that if everything else hadn't happened, one thing right on top of the other. But Horatio was busy trying to find out what happened to Ray, Hagen shot himself in my lab, then Marisol -"

Calleigh abruptly got up from her seat and moved toward Eric's, urging him to pull his chair out so she could sit on his lap and have him in her arms when she talked about this. She again felt that guilt for opening old wounds, for being so stuck on things that had happened so long ago. And her shame was made all the worse by the knowledge that these weren't just her wounds, they were his as well, yet here he was, comforting her through them. "Then Marisol died, and you guys went to Brazil."

Eric nodded. He had told Calleigh everything that happened there; she was the only soul on Earth who knew other than Eric and Horatio. "And then…the shooting," her voice constricted at that, after all this time she still hated to think about Eric being shot in the head and almost being gone from her forever, and she buried her face in his neck for a moment.

She felt his hand soothing up and down her spine, his lips pressing light kisses into her hair, and she took a deep breath and continued. "And I got kidnapped, and all of us were just a mess." She lifted her head from the crook of his neck and he caressed his hand along her cheek, tucking strands of hair behind her ear.

"It was never a simple job, or an easy one, but I just feel like it was different back then," she sighed wistfully. "I love Ryan and Nat, and even Jesse and Walter are growing on me, but it just occurred to me recently that things will never be the same as when it was just the three of us and Horatio. And I don't know, since you left…I feel like the team's not a _team_ anymore, it's just bunch of people who work together."

Calleigh shrugged heavily. "Or if it is a team, I don't feel a part of it. I'm just there doing a job. Whatever made it special once, it's gone for me." Calleigh pursed her lips together and again felt the burn of tears behind her eyes. "I used to define myself by my job, I always prided myself on that." Her voice broke, just a little, and he held her closer.

"It was who I was." She shook her head. "I don't have that anymore, and even though I still have the same job…I feel like I lost something. Like I lost part of who I am."

Eric smoothed his hands through her hair and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Just because things change, doesn't mean they're changing for the worse," he said softly into her ear, holding her tight. "Just because the job was your life, doesn't mean it was always supposed to be that way."

Calleigh sniffled a little, though she managed to keep actual tears at bay.

"If you always defined yourself by the job, then we could never really be a family," he held her waist and gazed into her light emerald eyes, still watery with tears threatening to fall. "We could never have a family because the job would be your life. And you told me you wanted that one day," he thought back to that conversation, not very long ago, when she'd admitted to him in a quiet, intimate moment in bed that she wanted children, one day, and with him. He thought about how his heart had soared at hearing her desire, the way he couldn't fathom how he'd gotten so lucky to have Calleigh want him, want to _be_ with him, have a family with him. He still couldn't quite believe it.

"Things change," he emphasized softly again. "But you still have a job you enjoy, with people you like, and that you're damn good at." She broke a smile at that. "And you'll _always_ have me." He pressed a kiss under each of her eyes and it was all she could do to not release the dam of tears and start bawling in his arms.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and he buried his face in her hair, and they just sat there, breathing each other in. After a minute, Calleigh released a shaky breath and lifted her head. "Thank you," she said almost sheepishly. "I feel better now. I'm sorry, I feel so ridiculous for getting so upset over something so…"

"Shhh…"Eric silenced her with a kiss. "Don't be sorry. You're allowed to be upset." He kissed her again. "I love you."

She repeated the words against his lips.

"Good, but I'm starving," he gave her that lopsided smile she couldn't resist. "Do you mind maybe getting off me so we can eat?"

"Never come between a man and his food," Calleigh chuckled, pressing one last kiss to the corner of his lips before getting up and digging in.

* * * * *

Eric glanced over at Calleigh, clad now in a comfortable pair of lounge pants and a camisole, one leg tucked under her as she stared intently at her laptop, reading some journal article on ballistics. He found the idea endearingly adorable. When she'd told him what she was reading, he had joked that she was a "gun nerd" – if there could be such a thing –as he flipped on SportsCenter. That had been nearly an hour ago, and he hadn't paid attention to a single highlight or score that had flashed across the screen since.

He needed to suck it up and finally broach subject that had been plaguing him for weeks now, the subject he'd stopped himself from bringing up as they talked in the kitchen earlier. He had always been the type to need to talk out his feelings, express what was bothering him, and this had been eating at him for far too long. He was just afraid of what she'd say, or worse what she'd think to herself but wouldn't voice.

He'd talked with Calleigh about his dissatisfaction with his job, and she certainly understood, probably better than anyone else could. But the thoughts that had been crossing his mind more and more often lately, thoughts about abandoning his post at the state attorney's office and returning to CSI, remained unspoken.

It wasn't that he didn't think she'd understand; he knew she completely understood his reasons for feeling unfulfilled working for Talbot. But if there was one person on earth whose opinion Eric genuinely cared about, it was Calleigh. And if it hadn't been enough for career-oriented Calleigh - always the dedicated, consummate professional - that he'd more or less run away from CSI after a decade of service like some kind of flake, quitting his new job less than a year into it to go back…he wasn't sure how she would take that. Calleigh wasn't a quitter, and he was pretty sure that's how she'd view his series of job changes over the last year.

The telltale click of the laptop being closed interrupted his reverie. Calleigh set the computer back on the coffee table and moved to snuggle closer to him. "I don't know why I'm so tired," she yawned as she nuzzled her head into his shoulder.

"Maybe it's that riveting article you were reading."

She rolled her eyes. "Actually, it was really interesting, if you must know. There's a new computer program coming out for categorizing bullet striations…"

He grinned at her. "Yeah. Like I said, riveting."

They sat leaning into one another in companionable silence for a moment, the day's sports highlights flashing across the television the only sound in the room, until he couldn't hold back any longer.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

Calleigh lifted her head off his shoulder and sat up and looked at him, unsure of where he was going with this. "Sure, of course," she said softly, picking up the remote and shutting off the TV to give him her full attention.

He cleared his throat, still completely unsure of how to begin this conversation. "I've been thinking about leaving the state's attorney's office."

Eric met Calleigh's eyes as her mouth opened in disbelief. He knew she wouldn't be happy about this, but he had to get it out.

"Maybe come back to CSI," he rushed out before she could speak.

"What?" she said, unable to keep the mild shock out of her voice, her mouth still agape and her eyes wide. "You just _left_. You've barely worked for the state's attorney for six months, Eric!"

He shook his head; this was what he'd been afraid of. Calleigh, for all of her selflessness and compassion, was still a perfectionist and tended to expect the same of others. He knew she'd be disappointed in him, and he didn't want to let her down.

"Calleigh, I know." He kept his voice even and soft, careful not to raise it and let his temper get the best of him. If he could just explain this to her, maybe she'd understand.

"Do you realize how this will look? Like you can't follow through?"

Eric looked at her pointedly. "Is that what _you _think? That I'm just quitting job after job 'cause it's too hard and I don't want to do what it takes to make it work?"

He managed to keep his voice steady, but Calleigh still caught the underlying tension, the emotion he was trying to mask. It surprised her that he sounded more hurt than angry. She exhaled deeply and bit her lip.

"No, Eric. I don't think that at all." She caught his skeptical glance. "Really, I don't. You're more dedicated to your job than anyone I know."

"I don't know about that," Eric murmured under his breath. She knew he was referring to her own dedication to the job, which sometimes bordered on masochistic, but ignored it to convince him that her doubts weren't about him.

"But I _know _you. I _know_ how amazing you are at your job, that you'll do everything in your power to get the right person, how you won't stop until you're satisfied justice is served." She smiled. "It's one of the many things that made me first fall in love with you."

"But…" he said, knowing it was coming.

"I just worry about what other people will think, I guess," Calleigh admitted. "How the Department, or somewhere else you'll want to work, will view this. I just don't want you to do something impulsively that could jeopardize your career. Not because I'll think less of you; I really wouldn't care if you went back to driving a tow truck, if that really made you happy."

Eric chuckled. "Yeah, you sure about that? I can just imagine, Calleigh Duquesne, nationally-known ballistics expert, and her boyfriend, the tow truck driver."

"Hey, it was "automotive recovery expert", remember?" she teased. "But seriously, I love you, Eric. It doesn't matter what you do, I'll love you just the same. I'm just afraid that this could impact your career badly, and if it does, you won't be able to get a job that makes you happy."

He nodded, understanding the reason for her negative reaction now.

"I just want you to be happy," she said quietly, placing her hand on his knee. "If you were happy at CSI, then why did you leave?"

He sighed heavily. They had discussed his reasons for leaving more than once, and though he'd never misled her, he'd also never told her the full story because he didn't want her to feel in any way responsible. But if she was going to understand why he wanted to come back, he supposed he'd have to tell her.

"You know, when I left CSI, you were pretty much the only reason I wanted to stay," he met her eyes. "But you were also a big part of the reason I felt like I couldn't."

Her brow furrowed and her mouth twisted into a confused frown. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…there were so many reasons to leave. I'd always loved the job, felt driven to do it even when a case was difficult or heartbreaking…you know how it is."

She nodded almost imperceptibly, silently urging him to continue with her inquisitive green eyes.

"But after…you know, it was different." He closed his eyes and tried to find the words to express how he had felt after everything that happened after the shootout, after the bullet fragment was removed from his brain and he came out of a coma for the second time in three years.

"After…the first time, it took a while for everything to come back to me, for me to feel like my old self. This time, I didn't have the memory loss, the confusion…but I felt like just couldn't _handle_ it anymore, all the death, all the destroyed lives, day in and day out. I couldn't deal."

She reached out and touched his hand, turned it over and intertwined their fingers. Eric gazed down at them, squeezing her hand gently and drawing strength from her support.

"I didn't think I could stay. But I also didn't know where to go, and I didn't know if the feelings might be temporary, like with what happened after the first time, after I got shot."

Calleigh's hand clenched his tightly at the mention of those words. He still didn't like to talk about it, and honestly, she still didn't like to hear him talk about it in such frank terms, though she knew it was probably better for both of them that they confront the reality of what happened.

"And I couldn't imagine leaving the team…mostly couldn't imagine leaving you. I mean, I didn't want to leave you personally, our relationship," he quickly backtracked, "but still…we'd been a team at work for so long. I still felt like I was abandoning you, in a way. And by what you told me earlier, I _did _abandon you in a way."

"Eric," she protested. "You didn't _abandon_ me, not at all. You did what you had to do."

Eric shook his head. "That wasn't the only thing that made me want to stay. I was mostly afraid that after all that had happened, if I didn't share the job with you then what we had might fall apart." He swallowed hard. "And I know that would destroy me."

"That wouldn't have -"

"I know," he interrupted her. "I know, now, that wasn't going to happen. That what we have is strong enough to survive that, to survive anything. But at the time, you had asked for a break, and I felt like we were on shaky ground, and any little movement could destroy our foundation and tear us apart. And I definitely did not want to be the one to make that move."

Calleigh brought his hand into her lap and toyed with his fingers, looking up at him, imploring him. "Then why did you leave?"

"Because I also thought…what if I did stay, what would happen then? I…even then, when I was so unsure of how you felt, I knew I was in this for the long haul, Cal. This is…this is _it_ for me, you know? And as time goes on, we can't just…sneak around forever. I mean, people already know, the team does, but Stetler and IAB, eventually…"

He trailed off, thinking about the ring he wanted so badly to put on her finger, of how he couldn't wait to make her his wife, for her to officially be his forever.

"Eventually, they would have to know. We couldn't keep it from them forever. And the stupid rule – I wasn't lying when I said, a long time ago, that I'd switch to the night shift for you."

She smiled at the memory and at the knowledge that he was as dedicated to this, to _them_, as she was.

"I would, I'd do whatever it took. But that wouldn't be good for us. If I worked nights and you worked days, we'd never see each other. With the hours we work, we'd be lucky to see each other a couple hours a week." Eric shook his head. "I don't want to live like that…I can't live like that. As much as I loved CSI, loved that job and the team and had so much history there…I thought it would be better for us if I left. I thought it was really the only way, that even though it might break us, it would be the only way we could survive in the long run."

"Eric, you had other choices," Calleigh said softly, her thumb rubbing circles on his hand. "You didn't have to leave, we could have figured something out."

He shook his head. "It didn't seem like that at the time. With everything that was going on…I guess that's why lately I've been thinking about going back. Because now I see that there are ways we could try to make it work. And because I miss it even more than I thought I would."

Calleigh nodded and leaned into his chest, placing a light kiss to his neck. "We could talk to Horatio," she offered, "see if he can figure out a way to get rid of that stupid rule, or at least exempt us from it." She chuckled, "Lord knows he's got more influence in the Department than Stetler does, at least."

"Yeah," he breathed. "We could. I haven't even decided for sure that I _want_ to go back yet…I've just been thinking a lot about it, and I didn't want to make that decision without talking to you."

Once again, the thought of the two of them doing things together now, living their lives as a unit rather than as individuals, thrilled her more than it terrified her. "That's okay." She brought her lips to his, kissing him softly. "You can take your time." She pressed another kiss to his lips and he grinned.

"You know I do like to take my time…"

She shook her head with a knowing smile. "All this talking has me exhausted." She stood up and stretched.

"You going to bed?"

She grinned down at him. "I suppose I am."

"And I suppose I'll join you."


	3. Chapter 3

The night before, every part of her had wanted desperately to come out with it. Even more than that, she longed to hear the response she knew deep down would follow from him. But after the intense, emotionally draining conversation of the preceding few hours, she just couldn't dig down deep enough to get it out. She wasn't really in the mood for another serious discussion – besides, as usual, by the time they'd made it up to the bedroom, Eric had her mind singularly focused on far more fun and immediately satisfying things.

When Calleigh awoke that morning to the familiar comfort of his arm draped around her, his scruffy face nuzzled into the crook of her neck, she couldn't help but feel slightly guilty that once again she'd come up with an excuse to wait to bring the subject up. Every day this week, she'd spend hours drumming up the courage to talk to him, rehearsing in her mind what she would say and how she'd say it, only to chicken out in the end, deciding to wait until a "better time". She'd assuage her guilt by simply drop a few far-too-subtle hints that she knew he'd never pick up on, telling herself that at least she'd kind of tried.

So all day, every time she saw him, from their shared morning coffee to meeting him at their favorite Cuban café for lunch, she vowed to herself that _tonight_, tonight she would ask him. Eric deserved to know how much she needed him in her life, and she deserved the joy that being so open to him would bring.

Calleigh nearly came out with it when they were riding back from lunch together before he dropped her off at the lab – he nonchalantly mentioned, yet again, that his lease was coming to an end and how much he hated his current apartment.

"I don't even know why I rented it in the first place," Eric sighed, "I guess I figured I never spend much time home anyway, and I was kinda desperate for something after I had to sell my condo, but I can't stand paying good money for an apartment in a building that's falling apart, in a crap neighborhood, with asshole neighbors…" He went on to ask her to come look at places with him, told her that he wanted her input before he went ahead and committed to a place for a year. She just sat there, nodding absently, saying "Sure, of course," with a not-very-convincing smile on her face, eyes dancing between the window and her lap, landing everywhere but on his own.

While a part of her was flattered that he would want her opinion on something so personal and important, most of her was consumed by guilt and irrational fear. For reasons she couldn't understand, her throat constricted and her heart jumped into her throat as he kept talking about moving – she _had_ to say something, he had given her the perfect opening, and the guilt she felt at her own helpless silence on the issue just kept growing until finally he dropped her off with a kiss and a promise to see her tonight.

They spent all their time together, the vast majority of it at her house, and she squirmed to think of the doubts her silence might spark in him, the questions he might have as to her feelings and intentions if she didn't say something soon. It was time for this, they both knew it, and she had a feeling he was just waiting for her confirmation that she was ready for this. And though she so was, and had been for a while, she was still holding out.

She _knew_ he wanted it, from the way he looked at her every night when she got home, to the way he off-handedly referred to her home as _their _home. If the situation was different, she thought he'd probably have asked already, but it only made sense for them to live together at her house – she owned it, and it was a great little house in a gorgeous neighborhood. Her mortgage was quite reasonable as her father had helped her out with the down payment as a gift as soon as she'd moved to Miami and she had been lucky to get in just ahead of the real estate bubble. Eric, on the other hand, had sold his condo over a year ago, after he'd had to temporarily move to the Deluca Motel, and just hadn't gotten around to settling in enough to go out and buy another place.

At this point, though he hadn't voiced it, she knew full well why he was still trying to rent rather than buy. And because she knew that he never wanted to push her before she was ready, despite the hints she'd attempted to drop previously, he surely wasn't going to ask her if he could move into her place. If she wanted this - and she did, more than anything - she would just have to push through a few of her walls and ask him.

* * *

Calleigh sat on the edge of her side of the bed, poised as if about to turn on her alarm clock before tucking herself into to bed. Somewhere between settling her weight onto the soft mattress and flicking that button to the "on" position, though, she had become lost in deep thought. She was trying to gather the courage to make Eric the offer she'd been contemplating for weeks now, and really she didn't know why she was so nervous. She was fairly certain she knew what his response would be. And she was certain she knew what she wanted, what he wanted. There was no reason in the world to hesitate, yet the words always seemed to get stuck in the back of her throat when she tried to voice them.

Though Calleigh was a master at avoidance and running away, she was also self-aware enough to realize this. And she knew she needed to say something before it was too late – after all, soon enough it could become a moot point. She could just picture herself sitting idly by as Eric signed a lease, dedicating another year of his life to living without her, if not practically at least technically. She knew it could happen that way, and she resolved not to let it.

Eric exited the bathroom, clad only in navy blue boxers. He turned off the bathroom light and headed toward bed and the promise of comfort and Calleigh after a long day. He chuckled upon seeing her perched on on the edge of the bed, eyes vacantly staring at her alarm clock, head slightly cocked to one side, not moving a muscle nor appearing to even notice his presence as he made his way toward her.

"What?" he asked her, half playfully with his eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face.

Calleigh's daze was broken and she blinked and looked up at him and smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, nothing…I guess I'm just really tired," she said as she feigned a small yawn and reached over to turn on the alarm clock.

"Hmm…" his voice betrayed that he knew something was up, something more than just being exhausted and ready to turn in. "Okay."

"I just," Calleigh began, then stopped, rolling her lips and briefly closing her eyes to gather her thoughts. Eric simply turned and sat beside her on the bed, close enough to almost be touching but not quite, and waited for her to continue. Calleigh had never been one to speak before thinking, and he didn't care how long she took to gather her thoughts. He just wanted her to speak her mind, wanted her to let him bear some of the weight of those thoughts.

"I…I know I should have already said something," she began, "And I wanted to. For months, I've wanted to," she hiccupped a laugh, but it came out almost sardonic.

"It's okay, babe," Eric said softly, gently running his hand from her bare shoulder to her elbow. "You're saying it now, that's what matters."

She looked at him then, his eyes encouraging and so warm and open. She tilted her head then in an unspoken question, barely perceptible but she was sure Eric noticed. It was as if he already knew exactly what she was going to say. He smiled lightly, nodded, just waited for her, prodded her on without pushing.

She took a deep breath. "I was just thinking. With your lease being up soon, and I know you don't really even like your apartment, and I…I just want you to stay. Here. With me. Forever."

The last word surprised her – she meant it with all her heart, but she hadn't intended to say quite that, at least not tonight.

The grin that spread across his face was contagious, and she couldn't help a wide smile from immediately gracing her own features.

"Yeah?" he said, full of anticipation and excitement. "You want me to move in with you?"

"Well, yeah," Calleigh said almost shyly, "I mean, if you want to…"

"God, Cal, of course I want to!" he laughed and drew her into his arms, pressing a kiss to her lips before hugging her tight. "To be honest, I was kinda hoping you would ask."

The happiness in his voice made her own heart skip a beat, and she was so incredibly glad in that moment that she'd finally found a way to ask him. She had known how happy he'd be to move in, and now as she felt how thrilled they _both_ were at this new step in their relationship, the guilt over having waited so long snuck up on her again.

She pulled back a bit from his embrace. "I've wanted to ask you for a long time. I'm sorry, I don't know why it took me so long to finally ask…"

"It's okay, don't be sorry," he shushed as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. He gazed into her blue-green eyes and put a hand on her cheek. "I know it's a big step…a big decision. I'm just so glad we're here now, you know?"

"No, it's not okay though," she shook her head. "It _wasn't_ a big decision – I want you to know that." She swallowed and looked at him. "It wasn't really a decision at all. I've known this is what I wanted for a while now, and I know that you want it too. I've never had a doubt about us, Eric. Not for a very long time. I've been sure of this. I just…had trouble saying it."

Eric put his hand on her other cheek and drew her face to his, lips meeting in a passionate but brief kiss. He drew away just enough to be able to see her. "I know, Calleigh. Thank you for saying it, because I know how hard it was for you."

He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose, causing a fluttering of butterflies in her stomach and a quickening of her pulse. Nearly two years in, and he could still make her feel like this – and somehow, she had a feeling he would always be able to.

"Because as much as I know you love me, there are times I worry in the back of my mind that you'll back off if things get too serious." He smiled to reassure her that any worries he once had were gone now. "But I knew you wanted to ask. I could tell – I mean, the little comments about how hard it is to get a decent place around Miami without paying a fortune, about how lucky you got with your place…" he laughed and shook his head. "I was pretty sure of what you were getting at - I just really needed to hear you say it out loud. And I'm so happy you did."

She nodded, and pulled him toward her, lips meeting more passionately this time. She pressed her hand to the back of his neck, and drew her tongue over his bottom lip with a sense of urgency that was irresistible to Eric. He opened eagerly for her, wanting desperately to taste her. Their tongues met forcefully and dueled for control, each of them trying to swallow the other and get as close and as deep as possible.

Though in previous relationships, Calleigh had always found herself being in control - and there were certainly plenty of times she took the reins with Eric - she couldn't help but admit how much she loved when he won the battle for control and overtook her. Like now, as he kissed her down into the pillows, hovering over her, so gentle but yet decisively possessive at the same time…it made her feel safe and cherished in a way she never thought she would even _want_, but with Eric, she craved it.

Her vision started to blur with the need for air, but the last thing she wanted to do in that moment was to stop kissing him, stop touching him and feeling him all around her. But the need for oxygen became too great, and Calleigh had to pull back and gasp for air.

"I love you so much, Eric," she panted. "So much…" she dove in for another kiss, though in a moment he drew his lips away from hers despite her whimpers of displeasure.

He chuckled, moving down her neck with lips and tongue, sucking and teasing, and soon her whimpers of displeasure turned into the soft little moans he could never get enough of. Her hands were already exploring the contours of his chest, moving down precariously low on his abdomen. He moved his lips away from her body for just long enough to pull her camisole over her head and toss it on the floor somewhere behind them. Calleigh giggled at his wanton desperation, but the giggle soon turned into a gasp as Eric's eager mouth moved further down her body. She was already nearly too far gone to have any control over her body or mind, but before all conscious thought was left behind she managed to grasp onto his shoulder and pull him up to face her for just a second.

"I'm really happy too," she told him, still short of breath. "Sometimes I feel like I need you so much, it scares me." She caressed his face and ran her hand through his short, coarse hair. "But I trust you with every fiber of my being," he flashed a wide grin at that, remembering the day she first revealed that to him, what seemed like a lifetime ago. "I know you'll always be here and…and that makes me happier than I've ever been before,"

He kissed her lips firmly, "I love you, Cal. I'm never going anywhere, I promise you that," he said with such a fierce intensity it made her shiver. Or maybe the shivers had more to do with the renewed explorations of his hands and mouth, the feeling of his warm, slick body sliding against hers, and the comfort of the knowledge that she would always have this.

* * *

Basking in the bliss of afterglow and the comfort of Calleigh's sated and sleeping form wrapped snugly around his own, Eric couldn't get the smile off his face. He was _so_ happy she had asked him to move in with her, that she seemed so genuinely excited by the idea and most of all that she was being completely open with him. As much as he knew Calleigh loved him, deep down he always feared that the demons of her past would never allow her to open up and let him in as close to her as he desperately wanted to be. He was willing to be patient, but as he'd told her a long time ago, during one of their first nights together - if they were going to do this, she was eventually going to have to give him everything, every piece of herself.

And they had come such a long way since then. But he still hadn't been sure that she was _there_ yet, until tonight. Until she confessed to him how much she wanted him, _needed_ him, in every part of her life, forever – just thinking about it now made his heart skip a beat.

He'd been _there_, he was pretty sure, since Day 1. The intensity of his devotion to her had almost frightened him at first; it had been mere weeks into the relationship when he first found himself seriously contemplating the ring he knew he'd give her one day. His thoughts drifted to the small velvet box tucked secretly away in his sock drawer back at his apartment.

Despite the fact that he knew it wasn't quite time yet for her to know about it yet, just the knowledge that he had a ring for her brought him solace. The last time he spent a night alone at what he had already come to think of as his _former_ apartment, he found himself opening that box and just sitting in bed, running his fingers over the sparkling stones and delicate etching. Even though she'd never seen it and probably didn't so much as fathom its existence, it still made him feel like he had a part of her there with him. It comforted him that lonely night, and helped lull him to sleep. That was the last night he'd spent alone – and hopefully, if he had any say in the matter, the last night he'd _ever _spend alone.

He turned his head slightly to look at the peaceful, happy woman asleep in his arms and ever so lightly brushed back the wisps of hair that had fallen over her face. He took in the slight upward curve of her lips, the way her mouth was just slightly opened, the occasional flutter of her eyelids, and the slow, rhythmic movement of her chest. God, she was _so_ beautiful, and he loved her so much it overwhelmed him sometimes. He pressed a kiss delicately to her forehead, careful not to wake her. "I love you," he whispered.

The prospect of spending every day and night with this woman, for the rest of his life, filled him with awe. And with the decision he'd reached in his mind earlier that evening, that he would return to CSI and they'd figure out a way to make it work, and with all that Calleigh had revealed to him tonight, that prospect seemed all but a certainty. As he drifted off to sleep, he thought about where he'd keep the ring hidden after the move. God willing, he wouldn't have to keep it hidden for too much longer.


End file.
